DARRYL'S DILEMMA

May 12^th, 2015

DARRYL’S DILEMMA

The most important words in the story that appeared in the Hamilton Spectator about Police Officer Darryl Archer’s suicide is that his wife Ashley wrote that this subject has to be talked about more than it is right now, if the tragedy of its  occurrence is ever to be reduced.

Police Chief Glen De Caire stated that a majority of his members do not want any further media publicity about this problem.    The writer of the Hamilton Spectator article, Susan Clairmont, says that many of the police officers and especially their families want the Spectator to continue to write about the suicide rate for police officers and by extension the suicide rate among the general public at large.

Those individuals that Police Chief Glen De Caire is citing believe that the copy-cat syndrome will cause more suicides to occur.   That is like saying that if we don’t talk about the sexual abuse of children, then it will happen less often.   The simple truth is that such an attitude causes the problem to occur more often, --- not less.

Another example is worth mentioning here.   When I was a young boy many years ago, the word Cancer was never spoken out loud.  It was only whispered between family members.   With such an attitude, how can charitable donations succeed and make the search for a cure more economically viable.

I will readily admit that the current level of understanding about suicide in the Psychiatric profession is less than adequate and in far too many cases, their advice exacerbates the problem rather than solves it.  

Unfortunately the Psychiatric profession thinks that most, if not all, of these problems have a genetic origin, when in reality; I believe that they are mostly the result of behavioral problems caused by the incorrect responses to a multitude of fears concerning the achievements that are important to the person so afflicted.

Since fear is considered to be a horrible weakness, Hans Selye coined the use of the word stress that we now use instead of fear.    I say that “stress” is a more acceptable use to describe the effects that come from  the emotion of fear and I intend to prove it.

One of Darryl’s final comments went as follows:  “Yes, I am a coward.   Yes, I am being selfish.”   “But I feel that I have failed to live up to the standards that I have set for myself.

Here is a perfect example of the effects of the fear of failure.  It points to the use of a certain kind of behavior that seems to make sense of his action to take his own life.   But if one is failing at something, it doesn’t mean that one should quit.   It means that new knowledge must be obtained about the complex achievements that are in question.

The stressors that were at the forefront of Darryl’s mind were financial, marital, PTSD and depression.  The depression came first and then the others followed.   A certain part of a depressive state is the belief that there is no way out of the negative feelings that are accumulating about the world in general and/or ones individual situation in particular.

Darryl was a conscientious person and had established a certain level of behavior for himself.  He believed that he was failing badly at achievements that were important to him.  Being a loving husband, a good father, a good policeman and a credit to the world at large.    

That is, --- he wanted to make the world a better place in which to live.   The tip off that he was failing in the above areas are contained in his remarks near the end of his life in which he states simply that the world will be better off without him.

Was there a “keeping up  with the Jones” behavior by himself and/ or his wife that exacerbated their financial problems.   This problem might not be entirely self-evident; it can be successfully hidden behind the belief that the couple are only trying to do what is best for their children.

Ashley is honest enough to admit that they were wondering whether or not they could make it as a  couple.   While I am not trying to be overly intrusive here, usually some kind of problem of a sexual nature becomes involved in these situations also.

The human mind is far more complex than we sometimes give it credit for.   A combination of factors, including financial, could have rendered Darryl or his wife less than ready to be a sexually active couple. which by itself would cause difficult problems in the relationship. 

For Police Officers, PTSD is a part of their job description.    Both Darryl and Ashley, who was working in a related field, had dealt with the aftermath of suicide and battered wife syndrome in their individual professions.

In keeping with the attitude of Police Chief Glen De Caire, Darryl had known other Officers who had committed suicide so that option was more prevalent than it might otherwise be.  In this regard, in part of his final statements Darryl said that he now knew why those other officers had chosen such action [to commit suicide.]  In his own words, it was a --- “totality of things.”

In his final words to his wife he stated that he was going away.  He chose those words deliberately because if he said that he was going to end his life by committing suicide, Ashley would obviously have tried to talk him out of it.   But he had already made up his mind that it was the right thing to do.

While she had forebodings that he might have meant to kill himself, at the same time, he had promised that he would never do such a thing.  Since they had been discussing the potential end of their marriage, she probably hoped that he meant that he was going to move out of the house.

If he had done that, perhaps they would have eventually confronted some of their problems like “keeping up with the Jones”, perhaps the desire for sexual pleasure would have brought them back together.  Perhaps other issues would have been confronted and hopefully even solved also.

The truth is that these ideas are guesses on my part.  I consider them to be reasonable and educated guesses but in any event, they are simply that --- guesses.   I am hoping that Ashley will want to discuss these ideas further with me and hopefully it will lead to a book that I would like to write about this subject.  I have already come up with a name for such a book.   --- Darryl’s Dilemma.